kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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