Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
wanna go halves on a baby?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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