You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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