girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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