All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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