The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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