need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
