12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
