i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
