i'm signing you up for texting rehab
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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