Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
