The maid of honor just puked.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
sex in a hospital.. check
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
