Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
