Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I didn't notice because vodka
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
