I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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