thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
