My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
