we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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