i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
