I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
