I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
