no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
