Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
