i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
