At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
