He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize