i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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