Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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