it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
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