walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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