I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
