you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
