i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
