It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
3pm strippers are depressing
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
