he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
