a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
