they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
