Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
