I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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