One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
