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first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize