I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
