we made out on top of his cat.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
