I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize