I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize