you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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