my vag is so smooth its legendary
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
