he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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