So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
