No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
