For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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