hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
