Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
