birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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