It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
