This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
