Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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