Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize