I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
