I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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