Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
