Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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