Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
