Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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